Changes
Becoming Someone New After a Lifetime of Being Someone I Wasn’t
As a woman in her late 50s who was diagnosed with combination-type ADHD in midlife, I often find myself reflecting on the choices I made along the way. I wonder how different my life could’ve been if I had known—and understood—what I was working with all along.
The signs were always there. But back then, ADHD wasn’t something anyone considered in girls, let alone adult women. So… la-di-da, here we are.
Trying to Fit In Where I Didn’t Belong
Looking back, I see how much of my life was shaped by one desire: to fit in. With someone, anyone. I was never part of a solid friend group. I floated between cliques, friendly with many, but never truly belonging anywhere. Even within my family, I often felt like the odd one out.
So I became a people pleaser. I made choices I knew were wrong, just to stay close to someone. If all my friends were jumping off a bridge? I was second in line.
Don’t get me wrong—I made good choices too. I’m still here, after all. That’s something.
Peace Over Parties
Now that I’m older, I don’t long for the female friendships I didn’t have in my younger years. I have beautiful children and grandchildren who are doing well and living their own lives. We text often (I’m not a phone call person). I’ve been with my partner for 17 years—and he’s amazing, most of the time.
But these days, I’m discovering who I actually am. And surprisingly? I don’t want to be the life of the party. In fact, I don’t like parties much at all. I love quiet solitude. That may have something to do with my job—12-hour shifts of constant interaction, forced cheerfulness, and never-ending noise. It’s draining.
At home, it’s a bit calmer—but in the summer, we host a steady stream of guests. And my partner? Oh, he’s a talker. He’d narrate every person and car that goes down the street if I let him.
Small Joys, Big Shifts
I’ve found I love to walk. It’s peaceful, and more importantly—it’s quiet. I rediscovered reading, something I adored as a kid before life got too loud and busy. I missed it more than I realized.
And headphones? Game changers. You don’t even need to be playing anything—just wear them, and nobody bothers you. That, my friends, is peace.
I’ve also stopped caring about wearing makeup every day or chasing fashion trends. I still like to look nice, but only when I feel like it. Some mornings, I’ll blow dry my hair and put on a cute outfit. Other days, it’s wild curls, a T-shirt, and fishing shorts. My home is my sanctuary. If you stop by uninvited—well, you get what you get.
I no longer feel the need to play hostess. I’m not keeping hors d’oeuvres in the freezer “just in case.” If I feel like sitting on the porch in boxer shorts and no bra, that’s your problem, not mine.
The Real Me
I meditate. I do yoga. I listen to music again—loudly—and sing at the top of my lungs. I haven’t quite gotten back to dancing with myself in the kitchen, but I hope I do.
What I’m learning is that I like peace. I like slow. I like me.
After a lifetime of trying to be someone I wasn’t, I’m finally becoming someone I am.
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